Michel Quoist
MEET CHRIST AND LIVE!

translated by J. F. BERNARD
GILL AND MACMILLAN

10. My husband is not a Christian

'Conversion' is a free act. It is free on the part of God, who invites; and free on the part of man, who accepts. It is an encounter between Creator and creature, in personal love.
Human pressure and emotional blackmail retard true conversion, for these things circumscribe freedom and deform the creature.
The initiative is God' s in deciding what form his advances will take. Sometimes he chooses to treat his child none too gently, throwing him to his knees and forcing him suddenly to see - without being able to decide where the light is coming from. In general, however, God hides under the appearance of one's neighbor - and this is the approach which he probably uses most in the modern world.
Today, conversion is first of all a conversion to one's neighbor. To be converted means to be 'turned'. It means to go no longer in the direction of self, but in the direction of self-forgetfulness; no longer in the direction of self-interest at the expense of the group, but in that of self-development by the gift of self to the group.
I must search out everything in my husband' s life that goes in the direction of the giving of self, in order to help him enter permanently on that road. In this way, I will be placing him in the path of the Lord. 'AI1yone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the dark. But anyone who loves his brother is living in the light and need not be a£raid of stumbling; unlike the man who hates his brother and is in the darkness, not knowing where he is going, because it is too dark to see' (1 John 2: 9-11).
Jesus is present in everyday life, in every opportunity that we have to rise above ourselves. He invites us. I must therefore become a light at my husband' s side, so that he does not miss the chance offered by these divine appeals.
It may be that I will never have the joy of hearing the one I love speak Jesus' name clearly. But if he forgets himself totally and faithfully for the sake of an absolute; if he regards service to another as more important than himself then in a very real way, he serves his unknown Father and becomes the friend of the Savior Jesus Christ, even though he does not know it. It was in this way, in the gospel, that those who were invited to the feast, and knew what was being offered, did not come; but strangers who were available took advantage of the feast.
At the Last Judgment, men will be saved or damned according to whether or not they give of themselves to another, even though they did not know that it was Jesus to whom they gave or refused themselves.
As a married couple, we are no longer alone. Because of our love, we are two in one flesh. And Jesus has consecrated this love in which God was already present. Through me, and through the sacrament which unites us, my husband attains the true God whom he does not know. I must be the one who, every day, offers to God and consecrates all of our efforts to rise above ourselves at home. In this way, my husband's efforts will also be fulfilled in Christ.
These halting steps of love must find their fulfillment at the sacrifice of the mass. Through Christ' s offering, they will achieve their eternal dimension.
I must trust Jesus. I must accept the long, dark night of his love in the life of my husband. I must not ask for 'a sign' to reassure myself or to give me peace of mind. In this way. I will purify my faith and, somehow, help his to germinate.
My husband is redeemed and baptized. He is a son of the Father. Under the hard earth. under the vines and thorns, the seed of faith has been planted. I must work on the basis of that planting and believe that God will never abandon his child.

Lord, I believe in your promise.
Through the sacrament of marriage which we have received and which lives in us, we give the Lord to each other by giving ourselves to each other.
In forgetting myself for the sake of my husband, in loving him, I am giving him God in a much more authentic and certain way than I could by preaching to him even the most moving of sermons.
In loving him, I will help him to love. '. . . Love comes from God and everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God. Anyone who fails to love can never have known God. because God is love . . . God is love, and anyone who lives in love lives in God, and God lives in him' (1 John 4: 7-8, 16).
And my husband, in loving, will encounter Love.