Michel Quoist
MEET CHRIST AND LIVE!

translated by J. F. BERNARD
GILL AND MACMILLAN

14. Our little girl is a young woman

I had prepared her for this. In order to do a good job of it, I had also prepared myself by searching, in the light of faith, for the deepest meaning of this important step in the physical and psychological development of my daughter.
When Jacqueline came to me and happily told me what had happened, I kissed her. And then, together, we improvised a prayer to thank God for his goodness to her. There was now in her a source of life, hidden but none the less real. Together, we went to tell her father the news. He gave her the small gift that we had selected some time before; and he told her that, from that time on, she would choose her own clothes. I would go with her, we explained, to make sure that her choice was not too expensive; but I would respect her tastes (which, I confess, won't be an easy thing to do).
At dinner that night, we had a little celebration, and we took the opportunity afterwards to explain things to her brother. We must make sure that he has a sufficient appreciation of feminine dignity so that, now and later, he will treat women with proper respect.
To be frank, I couldn't help envying my daughter a little. In spite of myself, I thought; 'She's so lucky to have parents like us.' I remembered my own childhood and the shame and guilt I experienced when I began to mature. But then, I thanked God for allowing us to live, at least a little, in the faith. All that God has made is good, and how stupid we are to drag down to our human level and to deform and cormpt what God intends to be great and beautiful.
The entry into adolescence by a girl or boy is a sign from God, made through the intermediary of the laws of nature, that he has conferred on them an extraordinary dignity. He has made them capable of co-creating other men with him.
This mission was given to man at the time of his creation: 'Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth.' It is the noblest mission assigned by God to his sons, for when they accomplish it in love, they most resemble the Almighty. Like him and with him, they are creators.
Every man must give life, either physically or spiritually.
A life which does not bear fruit is a failure.
Physical development is the sign, in the flesh, of God's eternal plan for man.
A child is worthy of infinite respect because he is innocence itself. The adolescent is worthy of the same respect because he is a promise of what is to come.
An adolescent is not conscious of his dignity. It must be revealed to him. He is vulnerable, and we must help him because he is weak and uneasy. He has, after all, just become a repository of life.
This life came to him from the very source of life, from the hands of God. It contains in itself the life of his parents, and through it they live in him. This spark of life moves, burns, demands to be passed on.
To carry this marvelous source within themselves confers a great dignity of young men and women; but it also entails a great responsibility.
So far as the parents are concerned, this essential step by their child towards maturity is an invitation from God to purify their love. He reminds them that, although they have 'given' life, it is not theirs to hold on to. They must let it go, so that it, too, may give life. 'A man leaves his father and his mother to cleave to his wife ...'
A child is entirely in the hands of its parents: body, heart and mind.
The adolescent must gradually receive, from their hands, sole responsibility for himself For the young man must possess his entire self if he is to be able one day to give himself to others.
The body of an adolescent no longer belongs to his parents. It belongs to him. The parents must accept the fact that their child wants less and less attention &om them for his body. They must, none the less, help the adolescent develop that body in a healthy and balanced manner. They must clothe it, care for it, respect it and ensure that it is respected by others. In other words, they must prepare their child for the day on which he will be totally on his own.
The heart of the adolescent belongs not to his parents, but to himself The parents must accept that their child has less and less need for their presence and for the expression, of their affection. They must, however, help him learn to love truly in friendship and in the giving of self to others. They must prepare him for the day on which his heart is wholly his own.
The mind of the adolescent belongs not to his parents, but to himself The parents must accept the fact that their child no longer wishes to follow them blindly in their ideas, their tastes, their choices. But they must help him to think for himself, to form his own opinions, to develop his own tastes, to establish his own motivations. They must prepare him for the day on which he will be a truly mature adult.
The life of the adolescent belongs not to his parents, but to himse1£ The parents must recognize that their child wishes gradually to free himself from the obligation of purely passive obedience. They must help him to make decisions for himself, judge for himself, act for himself For soon, he will be ready to exercise his full freedom as a man.
It is difficult to love, because to love is to renounce oneself for the sake of another. And self-renunciation is always very painful.
When a child comes into the world, it detaches itself from the body of its mother; and the mother bleeds. When an adult comes into the world, he must likewise detach himself from his parents; and the parents will bleed in their hearts. 'You shall give birth to your children in pain '.
The greatness of man consists in his ability to create himself.
The success of a teacher consists in being able to say, 'My students no longer need me:
The grandeur of parents consists in their having propagated the life which they carried in themselves. Their mission is to transmit that life, and to withdraw gradually when they see it begin to bloom in their children. For their children, in their turn, must 'be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth'.
How unhappy they are who, through se1fishness, interrupt or break the cycle of life.